Hello Bloggers...
I guessed my last post had an effect on someone who is close to me and guessed it hurt him instead. He asked me a question on what does he mean to me. I couldn't find the right words to explain this to him. In response to my silence, he hung up. You might be wondering why I kept my silence. Simple, I'm not ready to respond to that question at the moment.
I simply cannot answer. Under these circumstances, I simply cannot answer. What answer will there be? Superficial? Hurtful? Honest? I have said something on previous occasions but maybe it wasn't clear to him. Maybe if he reflect back on our relationship, he would understand why I cannot answer.
To you, as I know you would be reading this. In your own words to me before this, let time run its course, InsyaAllah. Loving someone does not mean you have to have him or her, they are not yours to keep. Be content to love, if only from afar...
My Love...
Hello Bloggie,
Happy "supposed-to-be" Anniversary for me. Should have been 9 years today. Wished it could have been 9 wonderful years. But the journey had been too rocky for me to withstand. I couldn't bear it any longer, but my heart is filled with sorrow. Still hurts so much. How I wished it had never happened. But it did. And I could not forgive myself for letting it happen. I could not forgive myself for letting go.
Nevertheless, I wish all the happiness in the world for him. I'll remember this date for the rest of my life. I thank Allah s.w.t for giving me a chance to be with him, if only just for a little while. And if Allah s.w.t wills us to cross our path again someday... Kun Fayakun. I'll be right here waiting.
Now listening to...
And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere
'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundlyBut I'll miss your arms around me
I'd send a postcard to you, dear
'Cause I wish you were here
I'll watch the night turn light-blue
But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly
The silence isn't so bad
'Til I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly
I'll find repose in new ways
Though I haven't slept in two days
'Cause cold nostalgia
Chills me to the bone
But drenched in vanilla twilight
I'll sit on the front porch all night
Waist-deep in thought because
When I think of you I don't feel so alone
I don't feel so alone, I don't feel so alone
As many times as I blink
I'll think of you tonight
I'll think of you tonight
When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again
And I'll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won't forget you
Oh, if my voice could reach
Back through the past
I'd whisper in your ear
Oh darling, I wish you were here
*You know who you are ....*
Sounds of the heart II...
That is you…
The one who knows most about me and still loves me, is the one who loves me the most.
That is you...
The one who knows the most embarrassing things about me, is the one who loves me the most.
That is you...
The one who knows 99 of my flaws but puts my one quality above them, is the one who loves me the most.
That is you...
I want to be yours.
NEW YEAR 2011!!!
Happy New Year to all...
Look forward to a new year of new adventures.. Said my goodbyes to old year and closed my diary for 2010. Don't want to even bother to recap but to summarize it... It's hell and hope merged into one.
SMS from my life:
"Happy new year! Keep moving forward, n lets make this year a great history!"
Will do just that my dearest one... will do just that.
I will not be making new year resolutions. I've never seem to be able to keep them anyway. But what I did was... I've made plans. Yup, signed and sealed.
My plans are:-
1) Further my studies - I've enrolled in OUM for Bachelor in English Studies with Honors and will be registering there on 8th January 2011. Target is to be on Dean's List for the 1st semester.
2) I will reduce my weight. I'll be starting on a weight plan regime on 3rd of January 2011. Which, to my mom's delight, will include exercising.
3) I have just changed the view from my bedroom window. Now what I need to do is to make it my home.
4) I have also changed my work life to be more flexible. Now I have to make sure that I work hard enough and not playing around too much.
This is what I have so far. Might be enough to keep me busy all year round, who knows?
I pray Allah s.w.t to give me the strength, health and ability to go through my plans and not sway from it. And my prayers goes out to you too dear readers. No matter what race or religion, man or woman, mother, sister, father, brother or child, near or far.
Let's have a great 2011!
Look forward to a new year of new adventures.. Said my goodbyes to old year and closed my diary for 2010. Don't want to even bother to recap but to summarize it... It's hell and hope merged into one.
SMS from my life:
"Happy new year! Keep moving forward, n lets make this year a great history!"
Will do just that my dearest one... will do just that.
I will not be making new year resolutions. I've never seem to be able to keep them anyway. But what I did was... I've made plans. Yup, signed and sealed.
My plans are:-
1) Further my studies - I've enrolled in OUM for Bachelor in English Studies with Honors and will be registering there on 8th January 2011. Target is to be on Dean's List for the 1st semester.
2) I will reduce my weight. I'll be starting on a weight plan regime on 3rd of January 2011. Which, to my mom's delight, will include exercising.
3) I have just changed the view from my bedroom window. Now what I need to do is to make it my home.
4) I have also changed my work life to be more flexible. Now I have to make sure that I work hard enough and not playing around too much.
This is what I have so far. Might be enough to keep me busy all year round, who knows?
I pray Allah s.w.t to give me the strength, health and ability to go through my plans and not sway from it. And my prayers goes out to you too dear readers. No matter what race or religion, man or woman, mother, sister, father, brother or child, near or far.
Let's have a great 2011!
Sounds of the heart....
Hiya bloggies....
Today is another new day. It has been a while since I wrote some serious stuff here. And so today... I'm sharing with you, what is in my mind...
I haven't slept all night, working on translating a script to be used for voice over dubbing today. As I work through the scenes, there were two scenes that made my tears fall.
1st scene: An ex-husband writing a birthday card to his ex-wife and placing it on a public board where people place cards or notes that couldn't be sent. His words were..
"Young-hee, I'm writing a birthday card I can't send you. Please remember only the happy and good times we had during our 10 years of marriage. Please forget the pain I've inflicted on you. It's true that I loved you and I'm being sincere when I say this. Please be happy. I think I can finally breathe if you're happy. On your birthday, May 28, 2009, Chul-soo."
Well you may think what so great/sad about these words..
I am in that lady's position. I was hurt and my marriage collapsed just after our 8th anniversary, on the 10th year since we've known each other. I've just had my birthday recently. And every year, even how rocky our relationship were... he never fails to wish me a happy birthday.. he remembered, to me that is what mattered most. And for those small things he did, I loved him ever so dearly. I would thought that after whatever happened between us, that he would forget but no. He set aside his ego and sent me a birthday text at 1201am on my birthday followed by a short message on my FB. Honestly I was touched, I cried but I couldn't make myself to forgive him, for what he has done.
2nd scene: The lady & a friend who had fell in love with her without her knowing was at a beach, holding a bottle ... like the story 'Message in a bottle' and they wrote a note, place it in the bottle, then throw it away, as though throwing all their problems away. And he said...
"Now your mission is to write everything you want to say and couldn't say to your husband on here. Then throw it into the ocean. As of tonight, you're getting rid all your troubles and start your life fresh. You're going to put the past behind you and plan for a bright future."
Easier said than done, but I did just that. Only I didn't have the chance to throw a message out to the sea. I just threw the imaginary letter out of my mind. With the help of a friend, who has been loving me since I was 16 and had never stop loving me till now, I planed a new life, a better life. Although, I might not be able to return the love this friend who selfishly and so thoughtlessly have for me, he has been the pillar of my strength for me to go through this hurt I'm having.
I thank Allah s.w.t for blessing me with my two most precious babies for whom I'm making these changes for, a great weirdo haphazard family who have been patience with all my ups & downs, and now a friend, who knows me better than I know myself. Thank you all for being there for me. I love all of you... always & forever.
Today is another new day. It has been a while since I wrote some serious stuff here. And so today... I'm sharing with you, what is in my mind...
I haven't slept all night, working on translating a script to be used for voice over dubbing today. As I work through the scenes, there were two scenes that made my tears fall.
1st scene: An ex-husband writing a birthday card to his ex-wife and placing it on a public board where people place cards or notes that couldn't be sent. His words were..
"Young-hee, I'm writing a birthday card I can't send you. Please remember only the happy and good times we had during our 10 years of marriage. Please forget the pain I've inflicted on you. It's true that I loved you and I'm being sincere when I say this. Please be happy. I think I can finally breathe if you're happy. On your birthday, May 28, 2009, Chul-soo."
Well you may think what so great/sad about these words..
I am in that lady's position. I was hurt and my marriage collapsed just after our 8th anniversary, on the 10th year since we've known each other. I've just had my birthday recently. And every year, even how rocky our relationship were... he never fails to wish me a happy birthday.. he remembered, to me that is what mattered most. And for those small things he did, I loved him ever so dearly. I would thought that after whatever happened between us, that he would forget but no. He set aside his ego and sent me a birthday text at 1201am on my birthday followed by a short message on my FB. Honestly I was touched, I cried but I couldn't make myself to forgive him, for what he has done.
2nd scene: The lady & a friend who had fell in love with her without her knowing was at a beach, holding a bottle ... like the story 'Message in a bottle' and they wrote a note, place it in the bottle, then throw it away, as though throwing all their problems away. And he said...
"Now your mission is to write everything you want to say and couldn't say to your husband on here. Then throw it into the ocean. As of tonight, you're getting rid all your troubles and start your life fresh. You're going to put the past behind you and plan for a bright future."
Easier said than done, but I did just that. Only I didn't have the chance to throw a message out to the sea. I just threw the imaginary letter out of my mind. With the help of a friend, who has been loving me since I was 16 and had never stop loving me till now, I planed a new life, a better life. Although, I might not be able to return the love this friend who selfishly and so thoughtlessly have for me, he has been the pillar of my strength for me to go through this hurt I'm having.
I thank Allah s.w.t for blessing me with my two most precious babies for whom I'm making these changes for, a great weirdo haphazard family who have been patience with all my ups & downs, and now a friend, who knows me better than I know myself. Thank you all for being there for me. I love all of you... always & forever.
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