Hope you have a great day today! Don't forget to thank your mom for bringing you to this world. I have a lot to say to you but I guess it's better if I kept my silence. Don't want to make matters worse. Anyway, hope you'll enjoy this!!!
I give up!!
I really don't know.... Is it written on my face somewhere that I'm desperate???? Truthfully, I'm not. I AM single but I'm NOT desperate at all. Someone once mentioned that I'm even experiencing menopause already at my age. (Psst.. I'm still in my 3 series okay - but too bad if the person who said that don't even know how to satisfy me) But I repeat... I AM NOT DESPERATE!!!
It is so hard to believe? There are other things in this world besides SEX. Why don't guys who wants to be friends with me think of anything else? Am I sending the wrong signals? I would agree if I did that 3 years back. But even with wearing hijab now, why do guys still think that I desperately need some kind of companion? I've got people telling me, what you don't see is what makes women in hijab sexier. Allahu Rabb!!!
Don't you guys understand what hijab is? Need I explain it in detail??? And these are all from married men!!! Don't you guys get enough at home??? I can understand if you don't or your wife have problems and you have 1 or no child at all. But if you have 5,6,7 children???? AND YOU SAY YOU DON'T GET ENOUGH???? Puhleeeseeeeee!!!!!!!
Ladies! I do not want to take your husbands. I have got enough problems in my hands already. I don't need any more. But if you don't even mind sharing your husbands with me... then tell your husbands that IF THEY CAN AFFORD TO BE FAIR, GET MARRIED! I'm not against polygamy... I don't even mind. But if the husbands are being supported by their wives, do you ladies think its fair???
Fairness doesn't mean emotional fairness. There is no emotional fairness! Even Rasulullah S.A.W is not emotionally fair between his wives. And Rasulullah S.A.W was only with Siti Khadijah r.a when she was alive because Siti Khadijah r.a supported him. Don't quote the sunnah when you are only looking at the polygamy issue but you don't practice his other sunnahs. But then who am I to quote on religion, I'm not perfect. I don't know much but I'm learning.
Again, for the love of Allah S.W.T... I AM NOT DESPERATE!!!!
It is so hard to believe? There are other things in this world besides SEX. Why don't guys who wants to be friends with me think of anything else? Am I sending the wrong signals? I would agree if I did that 3 years back. But even with wearing hijab now, why do guys still think that I desperately need some kind of companion? I've got people telling me, what you don't see is what makes women in hijab sexier. Allahu Rabb!!!
Don't you guys understand what hijab is? Need I explain it in detail??? And these are all from married men!!! Don't you guys get enough at home??? I can understand if you don't or your wife have problems and you have 1 or no child at all. But if you have 5,6,7 children???? AND YOU SAY YOU DON'T GET ENOUGH???? Puhleeeseeeeee!!!!!!!
Ladies! I do not want to take your husbands. I have got enough problems in my hands already. I don't need any more. But if you don't even mind sharing your husbands with me... then tell your husbands that IF THEY CAN AFFORD TO BE FAIR, GET MARRIED! I'm not against polygamy... I don't even mind. But if the husbands are being supported by their wives, do you ladies think its fair???
Fairness doesn't mean emotional fairness. There is no emotional fairness! Even Rasulullah S.A.W is not emotionally fair between his wives. And Rasulullah S.A.W was only with Siti Khadijah r.a when she was alive because Siti Khadijah r.a supported him. Don't quote the sunnah when you are only looking at the polygamy issue but you don't practice his other sunnahs. But then who am I to quote on religion, I'm not perfect. I don't know much but I'm learning.
Again, for the love of Allah S.W.T... I AM NOT DESPERATE!!!!
Running away...
What is the purpose of running away? Have any of the problems solved? NO!
Nevertheless, meeting up with a good friend clarifies a lot of haziness in the mind. A reminder of what I'm supposed to do. Now I'm back with a vengeance. Cleaning up my "friends" list via BBM, FB, WhatsApp, phone list etc. Children, work, study & business is my main priority.
Relationship??? Bah humbug! Anyone who wants to be a friend, base the friendship with this... IKHLAS. Don't expect anything from me. If you do not like it... REMOVE ME FROM YOUR FRIEND LIST!
Thank you.
Relationship??? Bah humbug! Anyone who wants to be a friend, base the friendship with this... IKHLAS. Don't expect anything from me. If you do not like it... REMOVE ME FROM YOUR FRIEND LIST!
Thank you.
My Pinky Baby!
Hello there!!!
A nerve-wreaking day today as I waited to see my new baby. I used to own one of these before. I bought this baby in 1995 (if i'm not mistaken)
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| KAWASAKI ZZR 250 |
I've only rode the bike myself twice. The second time, it fell on me right in front of my mom's house & I could not lift it up. At 5'2" and 45kg at the time, this bike was too big for me. But at the time, my dreams were bigger and I was adamant that I wanted this bike. I was then confident that I could ride it, as I was learning to ride on a 500cc bike. And so I bought this baby, in green & black. Unfortunately, due to some unforeseen circumstances, I had to let it go to a friend. And until now I wished I hadn't, as that friend passed away in an accident while riding this bike.
However, circumstances again put me in a situation of needing a 2-wheeler. Of course bicycle is not an option (although, thinking of it now, it might be a better & healthier option), I finally gave in to acquire a new set of wheels. Considering between two options, I decided to choose one over another due to its safety features. And so I nervously waited for my Pinky Baby (as I dubbed it) to be ready.
Called the shop as soon as I woke up to re-confirm its readiness. Went there with my two children to welcome the newest member of our family. After all the formalization, I became a proud owner of this new toy.
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| My 2 human babies with PINKY BABY! |
But I know my son will not be there for me on a daily basis & I need to know how to ride. The mechanic advised me to fill up petrol & told me where was the nearest petrol station. I summoned all the courage I have, take a last look at my human children and off I go.... at 30kmh...40 kmh... wobbling, trying to focus on balancing the throttle.
At the petrol station, out of habit, I went in to the counter, instead of paying from outside. The cashier looked at me questioningly as I hand over a RM10 note. Went over to the pump and filled up until full (about RM5.60) Started the engine and rode off back to the shop, only to find my children have gone home already.
Okay.... Now I do not have any other choice but to ride the bike back to my mom's place on my own. Contemplating on which better way to use, I opted for the main road. Hoping I would fare better there then on a smaller inner road. All along the way, my mind kept playing images of nasty motorcycle accidents. Thoughts went haywire. The only thing that was making me sane was by reciting surah and selawat all the way.
Finally, I was home. Safe & sound. Still vibrating from the trip and flushing from the adrenaline rush, I almost trip over while trying to place it on double stand. But I made it... all on my own. The first bike that I was able to place on a double stand on my own, without any help at all (Yippiee!!) I was beaming with pride.
Only when I sat down at the sofa I realised, that I didn't take the balance of my money at the petrol station. (o.O)
Another step to make...
Everyday is an adventure for me. Tomorrow brings another new adventure. I'll be joining throngs of daily rush hour commuters, heading to a common location. My relentless search efforts finally rewarded me with the result I have been waiting for. I am so thankful to Allah s.w.t for giving me this opportunity. An opportunity that I will never let go.The past few days have been busy. With re-arranging daily schedules, budget planning and shopping. I had to discontinue my bootcamp sessions as the timing is off. Now need to figure how to fit a different exercise regime to my schedule. 30 minutes a day, that's all I need. But pre & post 30 minutes is another 5-10 minutes. So I need a gap of 1 hour at least.
In the course of 11/2 years, a lot of things had happen. Some leading me forward to the life I wanted, some pulling me back. At times I felt so disheartened, I'd give up. But every time it made me want the difference more. At times I felt so tired trying to push it away, I'd give in. But every time the pain gets worse. Every inch of me will be screaming to get away from the situation. As I know how it will end... nowhere, as before.
Each time I felt like giving up, I'd look around me. I've achieved this much over the last 1 1/2 years and there is no reason for me to turn back. Only all the reason for me to go forward. I don't dwell on how things could have been, only dwell on how to make things better. My past is a lesson learnt well and my future is planned more carefully. Maybe one of two risk taking activities to quash the Sagittarius in me, however it will no longer be those huge life changing experiences... maybe more to adrenaline pumping kind of stuff.
Change is good when the change is for the better. Believe in thyself as no one would believe in thee. People can condemn other people easily as they only see what they wanted to see, feel only what they wanted to feel. Only I would know what I'm going through and what I want the end to be. So I couldn't care less. People can say I'm heartless, selfish, egoistic bitch. Since people know so much about me, why wait? Stop making excuses to cover your own shortcomings. Stop pointing fingers to others, blaming others for your own mistakes. You know why I say stop? Because I did.
There was nothing in my past that was forced on me. Everything was something that I have chosen for myself. So I only have me to blame. And I only have me to correct. Now I look at myself, imagining I'm my own laptop. I'd function well, but sometime I would hang for whatever reason. And my best buddy will be the button called... RESTART.
Shhhh.....
Wow...
I know sometimes it is better to keep quiet rather then talking too much. But it hurts when people misunderstands you. Then when I try to speak out, try to explain things, people say that I'm good at twisting my words. Fine... I'll keep quiet. Go ahead... think what you want to think of me. If you think that I'm so heartless... fine. Go ahead. All I can say is, thank you.
I know sometimes it is better to keep quiet rather then talking too much. But it hurts when people misunderstands you. Then when I try to speak out, try to explain things, people say that I'm good at twisting my words. Fine... I'll keep quiet. Go ahead... think what you want to think of me. If you think that I'm so heartless... fine. Go ahead. All I can say is, thank you.
The student in me....
Went to register for my 3rd semester today and took my modules. As I've mentioned before, I'll be taking 4 subjects instead of 3 this year to make up for the lost time.
Subjects that I'll be taking this semester are:
1) English for Oral Communication
2) Reading and Writing across the Curriculum
3) Introduction to Business Communication
4) Introduction to Linguistics
Heavy stuff. Heavier as all subjects will have assignments and final exam. (T^T) Sure wished that I did not take the extra subject. But there is no turning back and I need to complete the additional subjects anyway before taking on the more heavier subjects. One of the lecturer had warned us about one of the subject we were going to take this semester, as he had only 1 student last semester for this subject, still the student did poorly. I could not remember which one.
So, I've got to get ahead and start my reading sessions. I've already started on the Oral Comm. Need to complete a few chapters to be ready for T1 at the end of the month.
Wish me luck guys!!
Subjects that I'll be taking this semester are:
1) English for Oral Communication
2) Reading and Writing across the Curriculum
3) Introduction to Business Communication
4) Introduction to Linguistics
Heavy stuff. Heavier as all subjects will have assignments and final exam. (T^T) Sure wished that I did not take the extra subject. But there is no turning back and I need to complete the additional subjects anyway before taking on the more heavier subjects. One of the lecturer had warned us about one of the subject we were going to take this semester, as he had only 1 student last semester for this subject, still the student did poorly. I could not remember which one.
So, I've got to get ahead and start my reading sessions. I've already started on the Oral Comm. Need to complete a few chapters to be ready for T1 at the end of the month.
Wish me luck guys!!
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